working mom

okay so I am going to vent a little…

What is it about a woman in business that is different from a man, more specifically, what part of her being a mother is more important than a man being a father? If a father can work and not be questioned, why should a woman?

I mean isn’t it important for both to play key roles in the development of their children’s lives?

And Furthermore, doesn’t that role of teacher/nurturer also fall on family, and friends, and neighbors.  The whole, it takes a village to raise a child isn’t just some random saying.  I think there is some false screwed up sense that tells  American women that they half to be an island, or that they half to stay at home and be Martha Stewart, (ironically, she was a working mother) I say American women because I don’t find this problem with other cultures there is a strong sense of community that connects women in other countries; however I do find there is a greater sense of discrimination among women oversees.

In that regard, I can’t complain- I am happy to have the rights I do as an American woman, and yet-somehow  it doesn’t quite add up in the minds of some.  It’s the difference of no one questioning the man who has five kids and travels non-stop on how he’s keeping his family together while balancing work but the working mom gets reemed with assumptions and judgments of her either being aloof to her family or selfish in general.

Since when did it become the responsibility of the woman to keep the family together isn’t that something that the husband and wife share? And if the man is never questioned, how are you balancing- why should the woman?  If a man is so competent then can’t the assumption be made that if his wife is working the man at home is playing a huge role in keeping the family together?  Since when does a marriage succeed with only one spouse giving their all, does it not take two, committed and loyal, passionate and dedicated to each other and their children?

And what’s the deal with singles questioning your ability to lead, as if being a mother somehow disqualifies you from anything other than motherhood? I mean, doesn’t everyone need to bring their lives in balance? Just because your single doesn’t give you permission to be a workaholic, addicted to your job right? Shouldn’t you, as a single individual look for ways to  develop relationships outside of your job in your community, through service, with friends, and even give yourself some  me-time…

I have to say I catch the most flack from singles, questioning, just how DO I do it…and I usually, ever so gracefully, talk about the delicate balance of being a mom first, about how it takes me and my husband, about how I have breakfast each morning with them at the table and am home after they finish their after school activities, about how we eat dinner at least four nights around the table and sit down to a home cooked meal at that, how I coach their soccer teams, and teach their Sunday school classes, read them stories, and build forts with them, walk our dog, and love their daddy, and in my head I am thinking -oh by the way- I do all of this and I get my job done too.

I think that makes me a pretty damn good leader.

So please excuse the tone of my frustration, it’s just that I have lost my grace for that question of just how I balance it and in the future I just may push back with- how the how the hell do you?